The Games People Play

It was my grandfather's birthday a few days ago.

Me - Happy Birthday Tata
Tata - You remembered, how nice
Me to self - With your daughter dancing on my head about this for the last week, how could I forget?
Me to Tata - Of Course!
Tata - What's the point? I'm 82 years old
Me - Oh K.....? Happy birthday anyway?
Tata - I hope it's my last one
Me - Umm...errr....May all you birthday wishes come true?

Later I realised it was a perfectly horrid thing to have said. But what was I supposed to say? I guess I should have said "No! Don't be silly, you'll be around for many many years". And he would have given me a wan, perfectly martyred smile as if he's postponed departure to his heavenly abode because his family was not yet ready to let go of him. And he would have heaved a huge sigh indicating the magnitude of the burden his family's (read daughter) expectations place on him.

I'm not unsympathetic to his situation - his wife passed away about 10 years ago, and it cant be fun being on your own. And for a man who's been Son Crazy his whole life, it cant be easy to admit that his son is unwilling to do more than bare minimum for him, and its his daughter and son-in-law who do the major share of looking after. When I say looking after I don't mean paying for medical requirements and the obligatory trip once a year to check in on him. I mean speak to him, involve him, listen to him etc etc. So then why the attitude of "beti ke ghar pade hai"?

His son doesn't want to engage with him in the manner he wants and he'd being forced to engage with his daughter in a manner that's abhorrent to him. So he thinks his life's not worth living? Or does he just want to make his daughter's family just as miserable as he is. Or does he want validation that he is important over and over and over again from his daughter and her family, not realising that hundreds of their assurances are not going to make up for the assurance that's not likely to come.

Regardless of how I look at it, he's 100% responsible for his own misery.