Julie, Julia and I

I was just watching Julie and Julia, about a woman who decides to challenge herself to cook her way through Julia Child's cook book. Julie, wants to cook, wants to write and feels trapped in her job. There's this one scene in the book where Julie goes out to lunch with her college friends and everyone around her seems impeccably well dressed and put together with high flying careers which they adore. And Julia feels like she's wasted her life. Like she's failed herself. Because essentially they all had the same opportunities and they started together at the start line (they were all in college together). And if she's not happy with the way things have panned out, she has nobody to blame but herself.

Some days I feel like that. Lately I'm inundated with the feeling of 'what the fuck am I doing'. I've got a month off, I've got a job to go to at the end of the month, its with a fairly well known company. But I'm so damn unsatisfied. I want to feel like I'm doing something meaningful. I want to be the one that does that THING that changed the world. What's it going to be? Hell if I know.

Then, when I start thinking like that I get derisive of myself. What on earth can I do that will make a difference to even my own municipality leave alone the world? Am I going to change the way the world reads or eats, or heaven's, even fart? Its pretty obvious that's a big fat NO.

I'm twenty seven years old and I'm yet to see any light on the path that I should be following in this life that God has given me. Somebody shine me a light!